diff options
Diffstat (limited to 'rbotconf/lart/larts')
| -rw-r--r-- | rbotconf/lart/larts | 98 |
1 files changed, 98 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/rbotconf/lart/larts b/rbotconf/lart/larts new file mode 100644 index 00000000..c3a25880 --- /dev/null +++ b/rbotconf/lart/larts @@ -0,0 +1,98 @@ +swaps <who>'s shampoo with nair +installs windows on <who>'s machine +forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks +registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers +resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24 +takes <who>'s tea +dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services' +pokes <who> in the eye +beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Unix manual +cats /dev/urandom into <who>'s ear +signs <who> up for AOL +enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101 +sporks <who> +drops a truckload of VAXen on <who> +judo chops <who> +resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24 +formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12 +rm -rf's <who> +stabs <who> +steals <who>'s mojo +strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord +whacks <who> with the cluebat +sells <who> on E-Bay +uses <who> as a biological warfare study +uses the "Customer Appreciation Bat" on <who> +reads <who> some vogon poetry +puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex +casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom +gives <who> a melvin +turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be "bugged" +takes away <who>'s internet connection +pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon +counts "1, 2, 5... er... 3!" and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who> +puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders +makes <who> read slashdot at -1 +puts "alias vim=emacs" in <who>'s /etc/profile +uninstalls ld from <who>'s system +locks <who> in the Chateau d'If +signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons +makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer +fills <who>'s Visene eyedrop bottle with lime juice +casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom. +gives <who> a Chicago Steamer +rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death +pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher +pokes <who> with a rusty nail +puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets +pours sand into <who>'s oatmeal +mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste +puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lip balm +straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of "the world's most annoying sound" from "Dumb and Dumber" +tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack +forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing +smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass +puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives +makes <who> watch reruns of "Blue's Clues" +puts lye in <who>'s coffee +tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass +lets Borg have his way with <who> +signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center +wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings +gives <who> a 2 guage Prince Albert +forces <who> to eat all their veggies +covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper +fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce +forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly neverending IRC political debate +knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4 +removes debian from <who>'s system +uses <who>'s debian cds for skeet shooting practice +gives <who>'s phone number to Borg +posts <who>'s IP and root password on alt.2600 +forces <who> to use words like "irregardless" and "administrate" (thereby sounding like a real dumbass)" +tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out +replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue +replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets +squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline for <who> +submits <who>'s photo to the people at SA for photoshopping +Forces <who> to learn the Win32 API +gives <who> an atomic wedgie +ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast +forces <who> to use emacs for text editing +frowns at <who> really really hard +jabs a hot car lighter into <who>'s eye sockets +forces <who> to browse the web with IE +takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue +forces <who> to listen to only emo music +signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship +attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM +donkey punches <who> +puts track spikes into <who>'s side +replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld +replaces <who>'s hypertension pills with rat poison pellets +replaces <who>s jock itch cream with Nair +does the Australian Death Grip on <who> +dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors. +farts in <who>'s general direction +flogs <who> with stinging neddle +hands <who> a poison ivy joint |