swaps <who>'s shampoo with nair installs windows on <who>'s machine forces <who> to use perl for 3 weeks registers <who>'s name with 50 known spammers resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24 takes <who>'s tea dispenses <who>'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services' pokes <who> in the eye beats <who> senseless with a 50lb Unix manual cats /dev/urandom into <who>'s ear signs <who> up for AOL enrolls <who> in Visual Basic 101 sporks <who> drops a truckload of VAXen on <who> judo chops <who> resizes <who>'s terminal to 40x24 formats <who>'s harddrive to fat12 rm -rf's <who> stabs <who> steals <who>'s mojo strangles <who> with a doohicky mouse cord whacks <who> with the cluebat sells <who> on E-Bay uses <who> as a biological warfare study uses the "Customer Appreciation Bat" on <who> reads <who> some vogon poetry puts <who> in the Total Perspective Vortex casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom gives <who> a melvin turns over <who> to Agent Smith to be "bugged" takes away <who>'s internet connection pushes <who> past the Shoe Event Horizon counts "1, 2, 5... er... 3!" and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at <who> puts <who> in a nest of camel spiders makes <who> read slashdot at -1 puts "alias vim=emacs" in <who>'s /etc/profile uninstalls ld from <who>'s system locks <who> in the Chateau d'If signs <who> up for getting hit on the head lessons makes <who> try to set up a Lexmark printer fills <who>'s Visene eyedrop bottle with lime juice casts <who> into the fires of Mt. Doom. gives <who> a Chicago Steamer rips off <who>'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death pierces <who>'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher pokes <who> with a rusty nail puts sugar between <who>'s bedsheets pours sand into <who>'s oatmeal mixes epoxy into <who>'s toothpaste puts Icy-Hot in <who>'s lip balm straps <who> to a chair, and plays a endless low bitrate MP3 loop of "the world's most annoying sound" from "Dumb and Dumber" tells Dr. Dre that <who> was talking smack forces <who> to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing smacks <who> in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass puts <who> in a room with several heavily armed manic depressives makes <who> watch reruns of "Blue's Clues" puts lye in <who>'s coffee tattoos the Windows symbol on <who>'s ass lets Borg have his way with <who> signs <who> up for line dancing classes at the local senior center wakes <who> out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings gives <who> a 2 guage Prince Albert forces <who> to eat all their veggies covers <who>'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper fills <who>'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce forces <who> to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly neverending IRC political debate knocks two of <who>'s teeth out with a 2x4 removes debian from <who>'s system uses <who>'s debian cds for skeet shooting practice gives <who>'s phone number to Borg posts <who>'s IP and root password on alt.2600 forces <who> to use words like "irregardless" and "administrate" (thereby sounding like a real dumbass)" tickles <who> until they wet their pants and pass out replaces <who>'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue replaces <who>'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets squeezes habanero pepper juice into <who>'s tub of vaseline for <who> submits <who>'s photo to the people at SA for photoshopping Forces <who> to learn the Win32 API gives <who> an atomic wedgie ties <who> to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast forces <who> to use emacs for text editing frowns at <who> really really hard jabs a hot car lighter into <who>'s eye sockets forces <who> to browse the web with IE takes <who> out at the knees with a broken pool cue forces <who> to listen to only emo music signs <who> up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship attempts to hotswap <who>'s RAM donkey punches <who> puts track spikes into <who>'s side replaces <who>'s Astroglide with JB Weld replaces <who>'s hypertension pills with rat poison pellets replaces <who>s jock itch cream with Nair does the Australian Death Grip on <who> dances upon the grave of <who>'s ancestors. farts in <who>'s general direction flogs <who> with stinging neddle hands <who> a poison ivy joint