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-Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell
-Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors
-Hardware /nm./: the part of the computer that you can kick.
-Maniac /n./ An early computer built by nuts.
-RAM /abr./: Rarely Adequate Memory.
-Programmer /n./ A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects
-Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels
-Plonk /excl./: The sound a newbie makes as he falls to the bottom of a kill file
-hURL /n./: a link to a web site that makes you want to puke
-SUPERCOMPUTER: what it sounded like before you bought it.
-If it's really a supercomputer, how come the bullets don't bounce off when I shoot it?  . The Covert Comic. 
-A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.  . Joseph Campbell
-I dropped my computer on my foot! That Megahurtz!!
-A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord
-586: The average IQ needed to understand a PC
-Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it
-If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
-A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation..
-Want to come see my HARD DRIVE ? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.  . Geek pick-up line.
-If you torture the data enough, it will confess.  . Ronald Coase
-If you give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day; if you teach them how to program, you will frustrate them for a lifetime
-ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
-Use the source, Luke...
-Programming is an art form that fights back
-MacOS, Windows, BeOS: they're all just Xerox copies
-Whenever you think you have a clever programming trick... forget it!
-Managing senior programmers is like herding cats.  . Dave Platt
-Your program is sick ! Shoot it and put it out of its memory
-/* You are not expected to understand this */
-To define recursion, we must first define recursion
-ERROR: Computer possessed; Load EXOR.SYS ? [Y/N]
-Linux is only free if your time is worthless
-Linux: find out what you've been missing while you've been rebooting Windows NT
-unzip; strip; touch; finger; mount; fsck; more; yes; unmount; sleep
-Profanity is the one language all programmers know best
-It's 5.50 a.m.... Do you know where your stack pointer is?
-#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb))  . Shakespeare
-The more I C, the less I see.
-Confucius say: He who play in root, eventually kill tree.
-Unix is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully
-C++: Hard to learn and built to stay that way
-Java is, in many ways, C++--  . Michael Feldman.
-They don't make bugs like Bunny anymore  . Olav Mjelde
-If debugging is the process of removing software bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in
-When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem you encounter resembles a nail
-System Error: press F13 to continue...
-To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer
-Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
-Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code
-Who is this 'General Failure' and why is he reading my disk?
-hAS aNYONE sEEN MY cAPSLOCK kEY?
-InspIRCd, now with excessive ammounts of Cheeze
-I'm in the computer business, I make Out-Of-Order signs
-Kevorkian Virus: helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.
-      [OUT OF QUOTES, PLEASE ORDER MORE]
-Error, no keyboard . press F1 to continue.
-Insert Something Funkeh.. err.. There! -->
-Cannot delete tmp150---3.tmp: There is not enough free disk space. Delete one or more files to free disk space, and then try again
-File not found. Should I fake it ? (Y/N)
-The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in
-If it's not on fire, it's a software problem
-My software never has bugs. It just develops random features
-It's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages
-Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity
-Making fun of AOL users is like making fun of the kid in the wheel chair
-Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
-Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
-See daddy ? All the keys are in alphabetical order now.
-If you can't beat your computer at chess, do what I did . try kick-boxing.
-Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
-ASCII and ye shall receive.
-The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit.
-<FrostyCoolSlug> NO, You cannot dial 999, I'm downloading my mail ;/
-640K ought to be enough for anybody.  . Bill Gates, 1981
-Windows not found, [P]arty, [C]elebrate, [D]rink?
-English, the Microsoft of languages...
-It's been said that Bill Gates named his company after his dick...
-Ever notice how fast Windows runs ?  -- Neither did I
-If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft
-We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated
-"Microsoft Works."  . Oxymoron
-Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something
-PANIC! buffer = :NickServ WRITE_DB(3). <-- JUST KIDDING!
-It just keeps going and going and going and going and goi <BANG>
-All that I know is that nukes are comming from 127.0.0.1
-I know all about the irc and the mirc cops.
-M re ink n ed d, ple s  r fil
-Please refrain from feeding the IRC Operators. Thank you.
-I know all about mirc stuff, hmm.. I think this channel is experiencing packet loss..
-MacDonalds claims Macintosh stole their next idea of the iMac
-I can't hold her any longer, captain, she's gonna bl.. sorry, got caught up in the moment
-I recommend purchasing a Cyrix CPU for testing nuclear meltdowns
-Is it an international rule to have the worst picture possible on your driver license?
-Have you hugged your services coder, today?
-Ever wonder why they make the colon flash on alarm clocks?
-Whats this?.. blue screen with a VXD error?!.. I'VE BEEN NUKED!
-do-do-bop-doo-doo-do-do-doo.. For those of you who know that song, you have problems..
-be wery wery quiet... hunting wabbit...
-I've been IRC Nuked"Great warrior?  War does not make one great." - Yoda
-"I find your lack of faith.....disturbing." - Darth Vader
-"I have a bad feeling about this.."--All of the Star Wars characters.
-Can I upgrade my Hard Drive to a WARP drive?
-Canadian DOS prompt: EH?\>
-Canadian DOS: "Yer sure, eh?" [y/n]
-CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
-I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
-Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
-Hey Captain, I just created a black ho-÷p!%$û NO CARRIER
-I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
-Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
-Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
-Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
-*grumble* "You're just supposed to sit here?"
-"Hey, what's this button d..<BOOM>" -W. Crusher
-"He has become One with Himself!" "He's passed out!" "That too."-B5
-For a funny quote, call back later.
-Famous last words: 'You saw a WHAT around the corner?!'
-I like work ... I can sit and watch it for hours.
-If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
-Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
-Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
-BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
-My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
-Why doesn't DOS ever say 'EXCELLENT command or filename!?
-Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
-Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
-Computing Definition - Network-Admin: Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.
-An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
-Famous last words: This is the safe way to do it.......
-Famous Last Words: Trust me. I know what I'm doing.
-Clinton, "I didn't say that - er, well - yes, but I didn't mean..."
-CLINTON LEGACY??...even Pharaoh had only ten plagues...
-IBM             I Bought McIntosh
-IBM             I Bring Manuals
-IBM             I've Been Moved
-IBM             Idolized By Management
-IBM             Impenetrable Brain Matter
-IBM             Imperialism By Marketing
-IBM             Incorrigible Boisterous Mammoth
-IBM             Inertia Breeds Mediocrity
-IBM             Ingenuity Becomes Mysterious
-IBM             Ingrained Batch Mentality
-IBM             Innovation By Management
-IBM             Insipid Belligerent Mossbacks
-IBM             Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
-IBM             Inspect Before Multiusing
-IBM             Install Bigger Memory
-IBM             Institution By Machiavelli
-IBM             Insultingly Boring Merchandisers
-IBM             Intellectuals Being Moronized
-IBM             Intelligence Belittling Meaning
-IBM             Intimidated, Buffaloed Management
-IBM             Into Building Money
-IBM             Intolerant of Beards & Moustaches
-IBM             Invest Before Multi-tasking
-IBM             Investigate Baffling Malodor
-IBM             Irresponsible Behave Multinational
-IBM             It Beats Mattel
-IBM             It's a Big Mess
-IBM             It's Better Manually
-IBM             Itty Bitty Machine
-IBM             Institute for Black Magic
-100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
-Murphy's Eighth Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
-Rules of the game: Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
-Rules of the game: Any given program, once running, is obsolete.
-Computing Definition - Error: What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.
-Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
-WinErr 653: Multitasking attempted - system confused.
-Cannot join #real_life (invite only)
-"Unfortunatly, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself." - Matrix
-"Reality is a thing of the past" - Matrix
-"The future will not be user friendly" - Matrix
-"The general idea in chat is to make yourself understandable... ..." - Peer
-"heh i am talkin to someone...she not dead...yet anyways" - Stinky